Waiting for the bus to work.
I missed the 11:07 bus that gets me there an hour early, so instead I’m
catching the 12:07 bus that gets me there 15 minutes late. I should care more than I do, the thing about
retail and specifically the store I work for is that they are very
flexible. People come late and leave
early all the time and no one really cares, unless it’s excessive and
inconveniences others. I know if I get
this new job I’ll be back in corporate America and they are not at all flexible
about that kind of thing. I better be an hour early and like it. My contact, the friend and former coworker
who referred me says there is still a chance I’ll get the job even though it’s
been over 3 weeks and still haven’t heard anything. The training classes are set to start on
October 5th or at least that’s what I was told during the
interview. My friend says one of the
trainers was recently fired which means the date of the classes might get
pushed back. The reason I’m worried
about that is because I want to be able to give my manager at least 2 weeks
notice before I leave. I know it will be
difficult for them to cover the schedule if I leave, especially since one of
our part time girls recently confessed to me that she wants to find another job
and would likely be leaving at some point.
That would leave the lab a manager with one part time guy whose not really
trained and one other part time girl who is fully trained but is also crosses
trained to work on the sales floor so might not be able to cover all the hours
that would be open. I really want to
tell J--- and B---- that I’m leaving sooner so they can have time to get
someone hired and at least half way trained but I can’t take the chance that
they hire someone to replace me and then I don’t get this new job. I know I’ll feel like an ass but I have to do
what’s right for my family. I need to
have my nights and weekends back. And
this job is literally a 5 minute drive from my house. Hell, I could walk there if I really needed
to. I won’t have the car anymore if I
take this job. Ron will get Nathaniel up
with him in the morning, drive him to Terrea’s house and then drive to
work. I’ll walk Elizabeth to daycare in
the morning and then hop on the bus.
This will be how it works at least for the next 6 months until Nathaniel
turns 1 year old. Then he’ll be able to join Elizabeth at her daycare. At that point I don’t know if Ronald will
continue taking the car and I’ll go back to getting both kids up and out the door every damn morning. Up to this point I’ve accepted being
responsible for the kids because at least I had the car and he had to get up
extra early and take a bus, a train and the el.
I’m sitting here on the grass under a tree waiting for the bus. It’s unfortunate most of the bus stops around
here don’t have any shelter or shade. You’re completely exposed to the
elements. That is going to be a problem
for me at some point. I think I should
be able to keep the car during the winter months if I’m going to have the
kids. We’ll have to cross that bridge
when we come to it.
I have to close tonight.
Crossing my fingers that it’s slow.
I know that sounds so lazy, I’m just not in the mood to do any real
work. I’m such a bum. Lol It just irks me that they schedule me to work
by myself so often. B---- will be there
today until 5 or 5:30. I like Bryan,
he’s interesting. Reminds me of the kind
of guy I would have been friends with in high school. Sitting with my legs crossed like this is
starting the make my knees sore. Geez,
my knees are atrocious. So this is how
it feels to get old. I don’t like
it.
At work now, taking my dinner break. I hate my job
today. I find myself liking it less and
less over the last couple of weeks.
There are aspects of it that I honestly enjoy my immediate managers and
supervisors are good guys, easy to get along with. Most of my coworkers are tolerable and most
days things go pretty smoothly. There is
just an attitude that permeates this company that I can’t stand. I’m not sure how to describe it without going
on for a paragraph and since I had to wait in line at Chick-fil-a for half my
break I don’t have the luxury of time on my side. Wouldn’t it be cool to get paid to
write? To be able to support myself and
my family just using my own creativity and imagination. To communicate on a level and be able to
reach people in a way that was so significant, so profound that they would pay
me. Getting paid to think and share my
thoughts wih the world. How awesome
would that be? Up until this point I
thought my success would be in a work of fiction. A narrative story; put perhaps there’s more
inside. Perhaps that has been the reason
for my writer’s block. I was trying to
write the wrong thing. I’ve thought
about writing down my thoughts about religion and politics, racism in
America. Really heavy stuff. I have a lot of thoughts but when I think of
actually putting them on paper I shy away.
I’m not a political science professor or attorney, I don’t have any of
the background or credentials that people expect. I’m not Hollywood entertainer with a huge
following who can get people’s attention just because of their celebrity. Hell, I didn’t even finish college. Why the heck would anyone care what I have to
say? But yet I feel it burning inside
me. Can I get it out? Can I tell you what I really think? Uh oh, breaks over.
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