Baby Boy

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

At work, my little 30 minute lunch break.  Don’t remember what time I clocked out or how long I’ve been clocked out.  I’ll probably be late clocking back in, sadly I don’t care.  At least not as much as I should.  It’s not that I don’t like my job, I guess I do, there are aspects of it that are kind of cool.  I like my coworkers most days.  I got unofficially demoted while I was on maternity leave in a rather shady fashion but if I’m honest I don’t really want the responsibilities of being the lab manager anyway.  Bryan is a nice guy and he has a lot more experience than I do, I can learn from him.  I didn’t get a reduction in pay and I’m still getting full time hours so I guess it worked out pretty sweet.  The only reason I’m looking to leave is because of the hours.  I’ve been working retail for 4 years now and frankly I want my nights and weekends back.  My husband’s job is so demanding, one of us needs to have a standard routine schedule.  We have 2 little kids and one obnoxious teenager living in our house, so organization is essential to making this work.

I drove my oldest baby up to college this past weekend.  I cried a little, but I’m mostly happy.  I know how much he wanted to get away, especially after all the drama of the last year.  He really moved away at the end of May, the last day of school he packed up everything he could into my mother’s car and hauled ass out of my home. It wasn’t me he was running away from but rather the drama that had taken over my home as a result of my husband actions.  My house had become downright insufferable for my son, he toughed out those last couple months but I knew that when I let my husband move back home I had inadvertently accelerated my son’s departure.  So fast-forward to this past weekend, I had already cried so much over these last months I guess there wasn’t much left.  I got a little misty a couple times but at this point I guess I was feeling the same sense of relief that he was.  Not relief that he was gone, I will always want my baby boy near me, rather relief that he had finally gotten enough distance from a situation that had caused him so much pain.

At this point I just pray that he is successful.  I’m trying to determine how much I should contact him.  I want him to know I care and that I’m thinking about him but I don’t want to be a bug.  He’s very independent, not a mushy kind of kid.  He and I have good communication but we’re not really touchy feely if you know what I mean.  We can talk and joke but don’t get into feelings a lot.  I do tell him I love him sometimes.  Occasionally he’ll say it back.  My hana hoona apple dumpling pie head.  The first time I ever remember loving anyone so much that nothing else mattered.