JaguarRose…
Sucks at relationships
Wonders why everyone is crazy but her
Probably shouldn’t drink
Fucks like a porn star
Parties like a rock star
Wishes you would shut the hell up
Wonders how this keeps happening
Keeps coming back for more
JaguarRose is…
Coming undone
Off her medication
A writer
A wuss
A warrior princess
Beauty and the beast all rolled up into
one big ball of fun
Liable to burst into tears at any moment
Sobbing uncontrollably
Coming to the realization that
realizations are overrated
Standing in snow butthole high to a tall
giraffe
Desperate for attention
FIRED!
Obviously dealing with a few issues
A little cranky
A bit dysfunctional
Never broken
JaguarRose is NOT…
Suicidal
A lesbian
A whore
A home wrecker
A Nazi
Good at checkers
The best decision maker
Crazy
Completely sane
Here for your entertainment
Paying attention to you
Fully awake
JaguarRose recommends…
Adding E&J to your hot chocolate
Sticking your foot in your mouth at any
time
Napping whenever possible
That you shut the hell up
Running the other way when you see her
coming
JaguarRose NEEDS…
A nap
A swift kick in the ass
To know someone loves her
To shut the hell up
You to understand
To get her shit together
To get laid
Another chance to get it right
To go grocery shopping
To clean her bathroom
JaguarRose says…
“Excuse me for a moment, I have to run out
back and hang myself”
“Keep smiling”
“Never let them see you cry”
“Shut the hell up!”
“Don’t worry, everything will be okay”
“I’m sorry that you suck”
“It’s all my fault”
JaguarRose thinks…
Beavis & Butthead are hilarious
Sushi is delicious
You are cute
You are stupid
You should shut the hell up
Perhaps it is time to up the dosage
It’s time to let it go and move on
JaguarRose can’t…
Find her panties
Keep her story straight
Remember how to tie her shoes
Keep a man
Seem to lose these last 10 lbs
Remember where she put the keys to her
chastity belt
Make him love her
Believe she just said that
JaguarRose WISHES…
She was taller
She had a faster metabolism
He would call
He would care
You would shut the hell up
For 3 more wishes
She could make this all go away
JAGUARRose KEEPS…
Coming
back for more
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