Career Inopportunities

September 12, 2015

Potluck at work today in honor of Diamond Day. Some promotional bullshit corporate made up, I couldn’t care less.  I was supposed to make chicken wings but we went out last night for my birthday and my stepson had a football game this morning so I went to Acme and bought some roasted chicken and just passed it off as my own.  Our regional manager stopped by to cheer us on.  When I first met her I really liked her, she had great positive energy and that was refreshing.  These days she just seems fake and annoying.  I can only stand being around her for a little while before I have to get away.  I suspect at times even she is aware of how plastic she is. 

Anyway, I feel like I’m getting back into the habit of writing on a somewhat regular basis.  I think maybe that’s why I’ve been experiencing creativity blocks when I try to write.  I’m so out of practice.  Getting thoughts out of my head, organizing them and writing them down.  I need to write a novel.  I need to write for a living.  I need to freelance or something because I’m sick of working for someone else.  Tired of the corporate politics and bullshit.  Tired of my success being dependent on another person doing something.  I want to live off my own creativity and talent.  I’m tired of trying to make my square peg fit in a world of round holes.  At previous points in my life I felt different.  I thought that entrepreneurship wasn’t for me.  I was happy learning how to do a job and working hard for someone else.  I thought, “Let that person be responsible for the risk.  I’ll just play my role, earn my check and go home.” The problem with that is you’re forever at the mercy of that person or entity.  I hate working for another person.  I guess that’s the first step.  I don’t want to do this anymore.  I don’t want to have a job anymore.  I want a career; a purpose.  I hate that I’m doing a job that any 19 year old high school graduate could learn to do over a summer break.  Sure, I have picked up a lot of knowledge about this industry and I guess I do like what I do, insomuch that I don’t hate it.  But it’s not helping me develop my talents or grow in my natural abilities.  It’s just a job.  I’m 37 years old.  I don’t want a job.  I've had jobs since I was 15.  I work with people who have been doing this for 15-20 years.  Oh my God, if I’m still doing this in my 50s just shoot me.  Seriously.

Last night my beloved took me to Red Lobster for my birthday.  We had the kids with us and that was nice.  I love my babies, I love to see him play with them.  I love my family.  I have to make myself focus on that and not let my mind wander to all the externals.